| cheers to starting everything all over again! |
[Sunday
9:55pm September 25th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy...like whoooooah |
] |
ok...so yea...this is my official "im in college" update...
Tally is really kewl...FSU totally rocks...ive decided im double majoring in Communications (journalism) and in International Relations so i can b an international correspondent so i can get paid to travel the world n b nosey!!! woot...im TOTALLY excited
I miss miami...the beach the people...i miss it...
For those of u that didnt know already...it finally happened...gabriel n me are a couple...kudos to the 129879345 of u that TOTALLY called that one before we left miami...lol...it's great, im really really happy n totally lovin it! lol
n yes that does mean that ray n me r over...its been over...
Im trying to get to miami the weekend of october 7...so hopefully ill see a lot of u guys then (might make a small one nite pit stop at gator growl!!!)
n that's about it!! i love everybody!!!!!!!
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[Wednesday
8:01pm August 24th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 i dont know wut 2 do w.myself! |
] |
omg...college hasnt even started n it roks!!!! im sooooooo excited!!! lol
much love to my g-villers...
o n btw...they approved the seminoles as out mascot so we have nothing to worry about!!! woot!! go noles!
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[Wednesday
2:34pm August 17th] |
| [ |
mood |
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everythings how it hasta b |
] |
i hate to be all emo...but that moment has finally come...i can no longer escape the reality that i am leavin to college n so is everyone else...
today in the mornin i said good bye to my pinky n i left him for uf to take away...ive been crying incesantly for the past day and a half n it has suddenly hit me that i am leaving too...
last nite i had a talk with my dad, the only person i know that may have a stronger ability than me to totally desensetize (sp?) and become numb, and this conversation ended with both of us in tears
my mother, the most emotional person on the planet can do nothing more but get mad at me every five seconds n say i love u whenever she's not yelling at me...my brother n sister have finally realized that they'll hafta find a way around not getting cafe con leche n help with homework n hugs n "i will kill anyone who lays a finger on u" 's from me...
im overwhelmed...
as "self reliant" as i am, for the most part, and with as much as ive been through, ive never been so scared in my life, not even in a shaking, crowded elevator...what am i gonna do without my mom to argue with everyday n to turn to when i just dont know wut to do with myself or what to wear lol...n without my dad to tell me how stupid what im doing is n to talk to about future entrepeneurial adventures...n my abuelos that flip out if i havent called them by 1130 am...n my lil kids n their annoyingness n cuteness n genuine love...n all my friends that brightened everyday of my life...
last nite u said i had never seemed more human to u before, but i felt so vulnerable...i wanted to cry, i wanted so smile n laugh, i wanted to hug u, i wanted to be sad cuz ur leaving me, i wanted to break down in fear...thanks for being my crutches last nite...i woulda fallen if i hadnt been in ur arms...n im really happy that im not the only one that thinks we can defy the odds ...
its sad how we take things for granted n then want to hang on to them so hard when we come to realize theyre not there forever...n it kills me to think how fast this summer went by n how lil of what i wanted to do i actually did, but it makes me happy to think of all the crazy fun i had with ppl that i love...
saturday morning my mom n me are loading up n hitting the road to my new home...
good luck to everyone, know that i love u guys!
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| y isnt everything in life just as black and white as u see it? |
[Tuesday
10:40am July 26th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ? |
] |
the closer and closer i get to august 19th the more and more i fail at pushing everything into a corner in the back of my mind...
im so scared of losing the things ive worked to get and keep, im scared because i dont know what to do next and i have no idea what to put first, im scared because i feel alone, im scared because im scared...
i dont want to leave, i wanna stay in this summer forever...
should i work for something and possibly change it all if i dont know that that's for sure? and should i go for a target that seems to move farther away? i hate this
i feel like crying, i wanna live it up, but i cant, i wanna be occupied with the objects of my uncertainty at all points in time, but it seems so far away, i want to reach a corner of his understanding, but i dont even understand it myself...i want so much, and maybe im being selfish, but i think that maybe if we really try in life we can sometimes make our cakes and eat them too...
i see couples walking around, or a group of adults that r all best friends or lil kids that have forever left without things changing and i just wish i knew things with enough certainty to know for sure what im gonna choose and where im gonna go and what is real and what isnt...
...im sry for my shades of gray answers...
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[Monday
1:06pm July 25th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 nostalgic |
] |
Quand tu, quand tu me prends dans tes bras
Quand je regarde dans tes yeux
Je vois que dieu existe
C' est pas dur de croire
Antes de conocerte el mundo era plano
Aunque lo discuta usted Señor Galilei
Y me canse de besar ranas en vano
Pero el príncipe azul
Jamás no encontré
Y así llegaste tu
Devolviéndome la fe
Sin poemas y sin flores
Con defectos con errores
Pero en pie
Y siento
Algo en ti algo entre los dos
Que me hace insistir
Cuando miro en tus pupilas se que Dios no dejo de existir
Tu lo haces vivir
Tu lo haces vivir
La vida es una colección de recuerdos
Pero a nada como tu recuerdo tan bien
Desde la redondez que tienen tus labios
Al olor de tu pelo
Al color de tu piel
No pienses que te iras y me voy a resignar
Eres lo mejor que me ha pasado
Entre lo mundano y lo sagrado
Y aun mas
Y siento
Algo en ti algo entre los dos
Que me hace insistir
Cuando miro en tus pupilas se que Dios no dejo de existir
Tu lo haces vivir
Tu [me] haces vivir
Quand tu, quand tu me prends dans tes bras
Quand je regarde dans tes yeux
Je vois que dieu existe
C' est pas dur de croire
Y siento
Algo en ti
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| stolen from giz's journal... |
[Thursday
10:48am July 21st] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exanimate |
] |
if you ever had or have a crush on me.
reply to this!
** post this on your lj/myspace!!
BTW, thinkin about gettin a myspace...dunno yet...
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| the product of boredom |
[Friday
9:54am July 15th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 complacent |
] |
FIRSTS!!
First best friend: Alex Cuesta (my grandma's neighbor's grandson...we used to cruise in his power wheels jeep lol)
First kiss: ben lol
First screen name: cuqui28
First funeral: never been to one...
First album: gloria estefan-oye mi canto
First pet: a dog-amadeus
First piercing/tattoo: ears...no tattoos right now
First big trip: idk...probably my move to venezuela??
First alcoholic drink: dont remember...probably wine...
First drug: Claritin when my alergies were at an all time hi lol
First sport: Track
LASTS!!
Last alcoholic drink: Sangria on tuesday?
Last car ride: last nite...comin home from work...
Last kiss: this nerd that came to visit me at work last nite cuz im grounded n cant go out lol...i luv u p!nky
Last time u cried: couple of weeks ago...i was bein emo
Last food you ate: does coffee count?
Last big trip: um...actually big, last summer to san fran...emotionally big, couple of weeks ago to go look for apartments in TALLY!!
Last crush: my bf...duh!
Last time showered/bath: last nite when i got home...
Last shoes worn: my "i heart dorks" slippers
Last item bought: umm...frap from starbuck's?
Last annoyance: waking up n rememberin im grounded
Last time wanting to die: ...not in a while
Last shirt worn: pink pj tank top
Last thought: its so pretty outside...i wish i was at the beach
Last work out: today in the mornin after my coffee...
Last t.v show watched: haha...style court lol...yes...im a closet fashion designer wannabe...lol
Last person you thought about: my lil bro cuz he just gave me a hug n went bak to sleep...so cute...n my pinky...i wanna call him...
have fun yo's!
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| ::sigh:: |
[Tuesday
12:39pm July 12th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 yawn... |
] |
what do u do when boredom and monotony become common place and there is a whole bustling and varying world around u? when one of the most entertaining things u have is work or to pick up a pencil n paper n scribble out a picture in ur head?
what do u do when something new, surprising, inspiring and just different seems impossible?
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| i feel like such an about-to-b-a-college kid... |
[Thursday
10:14am July 7th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hyper |
] |
lol
yesterday went shopping around a lil bit for bed stuff n for stuff to decorate my room!! lol went online n checked out some places n then before work went to target n bed bath and beyond...found some AWESOME sheets there with like pink n blue n orange n green n crazy color swirls on it..it's awesome, i want it...i wanna know who im living with...that scares me...OMG!!! i found (at bed bath n beyond of all places) a frank sinatra cd with MY FUNNY VALENTINE!!! how insane is that?!?! didnt have time to get it cuz i was late for work...but im TOTALLY goin bak!!! i was so excited lol...then i went to work (ew) n then after chilled with my pinky at starbucks for a lil...i needed that...then jammed to shakira on my way home lol...
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| i want a surprise |
[Tuesday
9:41am July 5th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 apathetic w/a lil fear |
] |
i want something totally unexpected to happen
i want something to take my breath away
i want this summer to never end...out of fear of disillusion
i want to get over my retarded girlishness
i want u...n u know i do
i love u...n i hope u know that too
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| a flashbak to 5th-7th grade |
[Saturday
12:59pm July 2nd] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
i think that part of the job description my mother received upon first becoming a mom was to maintain my self esteem at a consistent low...
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[Thursday
1:06pm June 30th] |
| [ |
mood |
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hyper |
] |
haha ye i got an aaaaaaaaawesome new layout....crazy thanks to "cressidaslayouts"...awesome lay out community with insane layouts!!
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| gooooo NOLES! |
[Thursday
1:08am June 30th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 devious |
] |
went to tally over the weekend...im sooooooooo psyched about college! its gonna rok!! GO NOLES!
...tomorrow...college nite at the grove w/alex...possibly a planned run in with marisa n julie...ne one wanna come? let me know!
PS: i need a new layout...this one looks kewl but the quote at the top has raised some eye brows...i want something more me...any takers?
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[Friday
1:32pm June 24th] |
ok...my 6 favorite songs...cuz biggie me tagged me...
1.Pink-aerosmith
2.My Funny Valentine-billy holiday
3.Californication-red hot chili peppers
4.Ojos Asi-shakira
5.Sweet Emotion-aerosmith
6.MIKE JONES! lmao biggie!...i kid...this one's a new addition...Escondite Ingles-shakira
so now i hafta tag i think 4 ppl??? um...alex, aysha, vero...and tommy
later yo!
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| ::Chuckle:: |
[Thursday
1:03pm June 23rd] |
What You Really Think Of Your Friends
|
Gabriel is your soulmate. |
| You truly love Gaby. |
| You consider Cahill your true friend. |
| You know that Alex is always thinking of you. |
| You'll remember Ray for the rest of your life. |
| You secretly think Aysha is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. |
| You secretly think that Idk is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. |
| You secretly think that Ray is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Ray changes lovers faster than underwear. |
| You secretly think Patty is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Patty has a hidden internet romance. |
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| ...and it scares me to think ur not scared too... |
[Thursday
8:58am June 23rd] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
<marquee> i miss u </marquee>
...thanks gabriel for being excited about the shirt i got u n for talkin me into believin my fear is somewhat sensical last nite n that im not just being stupid n throwin myself away on stuff that's not for sure...thanks for the talk kiddo...thanks for being my best friend!
...as for u...i miss u n would give ne thing to hug u right now...i would give ne thing to see u right now...i would give ne thing to talk to u for more than five seconds while ur spazin about ur honeymoon suite with carlos ::semi chuckle::
...even through all the insanity of this week, i cant help but go crazy at the thought of not havin u right here with me...
...wish i could stop thinkin...wish i would just realize that im bein selfish n that ur havin a blast...wish i could see u n tell u i love u in person...
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[Wednesday
1:22pm June 22nd] |
| [ |
mood |
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yay gabriel's legal! lol |
] |
HAPPY BDAY KIDDO!
...here's lookin at u kiddo...lol...
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[Tuesday
8:59am June 21st] |
| [ |
mood |
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yay!! |
] |
ok so ye...last time i posted i mentioned that i thought something had scratched my eye n that i was in massive pain...that nite (friday) after work i explained to my mom that my eye REALLY hurt, so she checked it out with a flashlight (which TOTALLY killed me!) n found what she thought to be a scratch (my sis has scratched her eye so my mom knows wut they look like) so she put a patch over my eye n sent me to bed...330 in the morning i got out of bed n decided it was time to fess up...i went into my parents' room n told them "o me pegan un tiro o me hacen algo porque ya no puedo mas" (either u shoot me or u do something cuz i cant take it ne more) so my mom woke up n looked at my eye n asked if it was really bad n if i thought i needed to go to the hospital n freaked out when i ACTUALLY said i wanted to go get it checked out (i HATE goin to the dr over pain...i feel like im wastin their time) n woke my dad up to the all too soothing soun of her sayin "alvaro get up...vanessa wants to go to the hospital"...i should say i wanna go to the hospital more often...my dad didnt jump that fast when my mom said she was goin into labor lmao...but ye...then my mom took me to bascom palmer where i flipped out on the receptionist for being sarcastic n askin stupid q's n undimming the lights in the waitin room when i got there...then they dialated my pupils n my pain increased EXPONENTIALY!! (sp?)...then the actual dr came in and looked at my eye...cringed...turned to my mom n said "ur daughter has an ulcer in her eye...to be completely honest, i dont know how this lil girl made it through an entire day with this pain...grown men have come in here crying over this...we do, however, need to do a simple surgery on her RIGHT NOW which basically consists of scraping off the top layer of her eye and then she just has to put in antibiotics in her eye every hour on the hour even when she's sleeping..." so that's wut happened...that nite (sat nite) were my cuz's 15's n i almost died cuz of the lights, but survived, n the next day returned to bascom palmer to get my eye checked out n was told that i was recovering abnormally quickly n that that was AWESOME cuz if i were to scar i could go blind...verdict for today: cant wear contacts for a month...n...IM NOT GONNA GO BLIND!!! woot!!! lol
so how was ur weekend?
PS: i wanna thank my mom for not sleeping for three days in a row cuz she was helpin me wake up to put my drops in...she probably saved me from goin blind!
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culombianitav's journal
